


tell me now you know

by echoesofstardust



Series: it takes me all the way (I want you to stay) [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Wedding Dresses, angsty theories about that 'Stay' dress in Nashville, skating costumes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 01:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoesofstardust/pseuds/echoesofstardust
Summary: Two times Tessa picks a dress.





	tell me now you know

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is born out of someone's anon ask on tumblr (I think it was an anon to @buisnesspartners???) alluding to Tessa's reasons for picking the 'Stay' dress for their skate to 21 Summer in Nashville. This is my ramblings on that. Lovely person on the Internet, I hope you don't mind me taking your ask and running away with it by writing this piece of questionable quality. :)
> 
> (I should note that this isn't meant to be factual or accurate in any way. I don't know enough about Tessa or Scott to declare absolute truth about their feelings or the reality of what's going on. I'm just hoping they're happy.)
> 
> The title of this fic is from 'Stay'.
> 
> I didn't think I would post this, but here's a present to any lovely reader. Wishing you all a happy holidays, whatever you celebrate, or if you celebrate none at all, I still hope you have a lovely, happy day.

**_ 2018 _ **

There’s something to be said about wanting more time with other people. With twenty-one years, surely you’ve had enough? She thinks of the year they’ve had. The magic. The moments. The marvels.

She thought they were on the same page. Maybe it was flipped upside down for her.

She wonders if you can break something that’s already broken. The ache in her chest can attest to that. She ponders when she should’ve told him the truth. Told him that word that starts with ‘l’ and ends with ‘e’ and has both an ‘o’ and a ‘v’. In the way she really means it. She wonders if it would have really made a difference.

She’s told him that enough times, anyway.

She flicks through past skating costumes. Wonders what to wear for the Nashville show. It’s a blurring whir of colour. She’s not sure if it’s from how fast she’s flicking through the dresses or from the dampness in her eyes.

No. She’s shed enough tears for him.

The irony of this situation is not lost on her. He’s with his first skating partner. What’s that people say? You never forget your first. Guess he never did.

She can’t paint him as a villain either. He’s been everything a partner needs to be. He’s her best friend. He loves her.

Just not enough. Just not in the way she does.

(Maybe there were times before, but what is the past but a blurry mirage?)

She’s accomplished so much, she knows she has so much to be proud of, but she can’t help but feel thirteen again, never enough.

She doesn’t know what to do. Why had she hoped that maybe things will be different this time around.

And they were. Just not in the last way. The one where he chooses to leave. The one where he decides not to stay.

She touches a deep red dress, remembers the Olympic gala. Remembers looking into his eyes and seeing her future.

But now when she looks into his eyes, all she can see is her past. Each past heartbreak at eight, nineteen, twenty-four, and every age in between.

Her hands find pink fabric. For a moment, she feels ice on her back, along her exposed arms and legs.

She knows the dress she’ll wear.

_I want you to stay._

***

**_ 2024 _ **

She hadn’t realised how many different styles of dresses there would be in a bridal shop. She’d rapidly apologised to her mother and her sister, wincing at how long it was going to take her to find her wedding dress. Both Kate and Jordan had chuckled, assuring her that taking her time would be worth it.

Looking at all the different styles and cuts and fabrics was incredibly overwhelming, but in a good way. Tessa knows there were years when she didn’t think she’d be here, a blushing-bride-to-be, in love with a man for whom she was the ultimate choice.

After 2018, there were times she didn’t think they’d be able to reclaim their relationship, their friendship, their partnership, in the way it used to be. There were times she thought she’d lost her best friend and partner. She had thought that maybe distance was for the best, to protect her heart, let it heal, reframe the way she thought of him.

She’d see him for tour planning, she knew that, but she had thought that it was for the best that they didn’t live in each others’ pockets the way they did throughout the comeback. For the tour itself, she figured she could organise sleeping arrangements so that she’d spend more time with the other skaters, and not be left alone with him.

In a way, it did work out. She’s incandescently happy with her life as it is at the moment and while it may not hold a candle to the moment immediately after their last Pyeongchang skate, it’s pretty damn close.

(She doesn’t know yet that the happiness of that perfect Olympic moment will eventually be surpassed. When she says ‘I do’ to her husband. When she gives birth to each of their children. During each of their wedding anniversaries.)

She’s taken some silk fabric between her fingertips, revelling in the smoothness and imagining the fit of the gown on herself, when her phone rings.

It’s Scott. She picks up without thinking, decades of habit ingrained in her muscles and her bones pressing the screen. She brings up the phone to her ear, “Hey.”

“Hey Tess. How’s dress shopping going?”

“I’ve barely started. There’s so many to choose from though…” her voice drifts off as she scans rows of silk, chiffon, tulle; gowns that were figure-hugging or poofy or v-necked or graced with a sweetheart neckline.

“I’m sure that it’s paradise for you then, T,” he laughs lowly, “just take your time, kiddo. Don’t pressure yourself.”

“That’s what Mom and Jordan said. You’re all going to regret telling me to take your time,” she teases.

“It’s your big day Tess! You’re allowed to indulge yourself,” Tessa smiles at that, “I still think I should’ve been allowed to be there.”

Jordan must’ve overheard that part of the conversation, because she says, “It’s a girls’ day, Scotty! None of us need your opinions.” The snarky comment is accompanied by a grin, though, and Scott’s undeterred.

“Hey, I know my way around fabrics! Kind of. Besides, I know Tess well enough that I think I’d be able to find the perfect dress before she realises it’s the dress she wants,” Scott volleys back.

Tessa laughs, “You’ll see it on the big day, Scott. Wouldn’t wanna spoil the surprise. It’s like our skating costumes, yeah? How we used to reveal them to each other.”

“You’ll look beautiful no matter what you pick, T. You always do,” he says earnestly. Her heart skips a beat. She know it probably shouldn’t after all this time, after all these years, after all that her heart has gone through.

But it still does, anyway.

“Thanks,” she replies, “I hope it doesn’t disappoint then.” She tries for a joking tone and she thinks she succeeds.

There’s a pause. She wonders if she should hang up, both her mom and Jordan and the shop lady are looking at her with varying levels of amusement and exasperation.

She can’t bring herself to.

“I don’t think you ever can disappoint me,” he says, after a while, “At least I’ll see it eventually on the big day. Thanks for letting me be at your wedding, Tess.” There’s a teasing lilt underneath his last sentence.

Tessa snorts, “Like it could’ve happened any other way, Scott.” 

“Still, Tess, I know how easily things could’ve turned out differently. I—I hurt you, kiddo. And I didn’t know. And I should’ve known.”

She doesn’t tell him it’s okay, because it really isn’t. But they were ice dancers and they know it takes two to dance. It takes two to misstep. It wasn’t just his fault. They’ve had this conversation many times, the first time in the quiet blanket of a night many years ago now, next to each other on her couch, the moonlight glistening off both their tears as they bared the parts of themselves, their very souls, that had been hurt by the other.

Healing didn’t come easily, but it was worth the effort. Worth the wait.

And she’d have her best friend with her on her wedding day.

“I know. But we made it through it, right? That’s what matters.” 

“Yeah,” he says then a softer, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Scott,” she steels her tone, “you know what we said about not using the word ‘deserving’? It’s not a meritocracy. It’s not about holding on to past mistakes and punishing ourselves for it. It’s about…it’s about understanding what went wrong and striving to fix that. All we can do is be better people every day. Which I can confidently say you’ve done, Scott.”

“Thanks, T,” she can hear the smile in his voice, “Your husband-to-be is the luckiest person in the world, you know that?”

“No,” she smiles softly, “I’m the lucky one.”

There’s a pause, just two people breathing. Even over a phone call, the pattern of their inhales and exhales inevitably synchronise.

“Thanks for saying ‘yes’ to me, kiddo,” his voice breaks as he says the sentence. “Thanks for choosing me. Thanks for letting an idiot like me spend the rest of his life with you.”

Tessa tells herself she’s not going to cry, but she can’t help the teary laughter that escapes her.

“I love you Tessa. I’m going to spend the rest of our lives showing you that, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispers, “I love you too.”

“Now go pick that perfect dress Tess! No matter what, you’re gonna knock my socks off. Bye, love you, see you soon.”

“Bye, Scott, love you too.” The line clicks off.

She turns to the racks of dresses in shades of eggshell, ivory, snow, ecru, cream. She hasn’t yet found the perfect dress, doesn’t really know if it will really be ‘perfect’. She knows it doesn’t need to be.

She has the rest of her life with Scott to look forward to.

**Author's Note:**

> did I get those shades of white from paint colours? yes I did. I'm not sure if they apply to dresses, so please accept my apologies. <3


End file.
